If you’re like me, you have no dog in the fight in this Super Bowl. Packers vs. Steelers may not do much for you, so you need something other than clever beer commercials to keep you entertained. The solution for you is prop bets. Yes prop bets, those wagers on the coin toss and everything else that could possibly happen before, during, and after the big game.
So, if you have loads of disposable income and a compulsive gambling problem, prop bets are for you.
How many times will we be subjected to Jerry's fake smile? (courtesy dallascowboys.com)
How many times will FOX show Jerry Jones during the game?
Over/Under 2.5
I am not a betting man, but 20 bucks seems like a no-brainer here. Two and a half? They’ll have three shots of Jerry before the end of the first quarter. The game is being played in his stadium without his team. The TV cameras are going to try get him frowning, squirming, and half-heartedly applauding every chance they get and I have a feeling there will be no shortage of opportunities.
Who will FOX show first during the game?
Jessica Szohr (Aaron Rodger’s girlfriend)
Ashley Harlan (Ben Roethlisberger’s fiancée)
I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking. Ben Roethlisberger has a fiancée!? The same Ben Roethlisberger whose escapades include allegations of sexual assault on two different occasions within two years? The same Ben Roethlisberger who nearly killed himself when he wrecked his motorcycle which he was driving without a license and without a helmet? The same Ben Roethlisberger who could win the award for “Doughiest Dude to Play Quarterback in the NFL?” That guy has a fiancée and I can’t get a third date with a girl? I’m rooting for Jessica Szohr here because seeing Ashley Harlan will just make me mad.
It’s Christmas Eve, but it’s not too late. There’s still time to pick up a few things for your kids. And no, I’m not talking about the Wii controller, the latest Xbox game, the flatscreen TV, or the new laptop. I’m talking about the gifts that will make memories for years; the gifts your kids will really appreciate when they get older.
Memory Makers
My best presents weren’t the Legos or the Gameboy or the sweatshirt. As I look back on my childhood Christmases, my favorite gifts were the ones that forced me outside. I remember the Nerf football, spongy and shining out of the box, that survived hundreds of sessions of pick-up football in the cul-de-sac until finally it was nothing more than a bare block of foam. It’s paint gone from all those incompletions scraping off the asphalt, it’s shape altered by the times the neighbor’s dog got a hold of it.
I remember the hockey sticks for my brother and the goalie pads for me. Gifts that turned our driveway into an imaginary rink. Gifts that transformed my brother into the overtime goal scorer, and me into the netminder who preserved a shutout with his spectacular glove save. Believe it or not, that hockey gear is still in my parents’ garage, and still gets use from time to time. Simple gifts that gave me my favorite times with my brother and inspired in me a love of hockey that I still possess today.
Only a week til Christmas, so its a little late for wish lists. I won’t be asking for anything extraordinary from my family and friends at this point. Get me the sweater, the book, the DVD, and I’m a happy guy.
But let’s pretend for a moment there is a sports Santa Claus. A sports version of St. Nick who is very interested in making the wishes of sports fans come true. Well Mr. Claus, I’ve been pretty good this year and I have a few requests.
Here is what I want for Christmas:
I WANT A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF
Don't the unbeaten Horned Frogs at least deserve a shot at a national championship? Maybe one day they'll get that chance. (courtesy realclearsports.com)
I know Santa, you get this one a lot, but I’m never going to stop wishing for this. I’m thrilled with an Oregon/Auburn matchup in the title game, but the BCS continues to get lucky and that can’t last forever. I’ll even admit TCU probably isn’t as good as Oregon or Auburn, but shouldn’t that be decided on the field? The Horned Frogs did absolutely everything that was asked of them, but won’t get a sniff of a championship simply because of discrimination toward smaller schools and non-traditional powers. I don’t care how big or small the playoff is, I just want a level playing field here. And spare me the excuses of extra games, protecting student-athletes, and preserving the bowl system. The bowl system is a middling mess of mediocrity. You mean we might miss out on Florida International vs. Toledo in the Little Caesar’s Bowl? Good, I’d rather watch curling anyway. Trust me Santa, if you want to stop receiving these letters, you’ll find a way to make this happen for me and the countless fans who hate seeing this sport’s champion be crowned by ignorant human voters and soulless computers.
I WANT THE NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT TO STAY AT 65 TEAMS
College football may get it wrong, but college basketball gets it right. There is no need to expand March Madness to 96 teams as is being discussed by the NCAA. 65 teams means the little guy still has a shot and that’s all the little guy is asking for.
It’s to the point that I won’t even try new foods. The other night someone offered me some asparagus. I have no idea if I’ve ever had asparagus and I promise you I couldn’t tell you what asparagus tastes like. I said, “No thanks, I don’t like asparagus.”
Not true. To dislike something you have to try it first.
When I go to the grocery store I buy the same products every single time. I even have my routine down. It begins with the soap and contact lens cleaner, moves on to bread, frozen dinner section, cereal aisle, produce, beverages, meat, see you later. There is never a variation.
Okay, sometimes I do it backwards, but that’s only if I’m feeling dangerous.
Food is only one example. Growing up, all I ever wanted was to become a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. I watched my ‘Boys every Sunday and dreamed of someday catching passes on the Texas Stadium turf.
My first chance to play real football came in seventh grade. The gear was sweet. I had never worn actual shoulder pads or buttoned up the chinstrap on my own helmet. I took it all home, put on the uniform and went straight to the mirror.
Good morning Mr. Bryant. You don’t know me, you’ve never even met me. I’m just a guy from Oklahoma who wants to see you succeed. This will only take a few minutes of your time.
Dez Bryant scores one of his three touchdowns vs. the Giants (courtesy espndallas.com)
First of all, let me say I’m in awe of your talent and potential. The performance you put on against the Giants on Monday night was nothing short of spectacular. There are maybe, maybe a handful of guys in the league that could field a punt over their shoulder, retreat inside the ten yard line, then turn up field and go untouched for 93 yards. As if that wasn’t jaw dropping enough, you caught four passes for 54 yards and two touchdowns. You were a one man show and the entire country took notice. You are the only bright spot on a Cowboys team in complete disarray. You’re making Jerry Jones look like a genius for drafting you, and let’s face it, that’s not easy. After all, he’s the guy who thought Wade Phillips was the answer.
I hope you become known as one of the best receivers in the game. And I hope that’s all you become known for. I guess I’m a little nervous because, honestly Dez, you’re kind of a knucklehead. Your track record of decision making isn’t exactly sparkling.
Last season at Oklahoma State, you lied to NCAA officials about your relationship with Deion Sanders. Yes, you admitted your mistake and you came clean, but the NCAA saw fit to suspend you for the remainder of the season. It shows you thought of yourself before thinking of your teammates. I know, the penalty was way too harsh for telling a little fib, but like it or not, it’s still a blemish on your record.
Dez Bryant works out for NFL scouts at his pro day in Lufkin, Texas on March 30th, 2010 (courtesy Associated Press)
You couldn’t workout at the annual NFL combine, so you scheduled a pro day in your hometown of Lufkin, Texas. Scouts and coaches gathered to see you; a huge opportunity to improve your draft stock and maybe even silence some critics. You showed up with a 10-man entourage. Having friends is a good thing, but you could have saved the entourage for after you got drafted. Pro day was an opportunity for humility and performance. You should have kept your head down, mouth shut, and gone to work. NFL teams didn’t appreciate the attitude and the ego. On top of that, you forgot your shoes. Possibly the biggest day of your life, a day that could earn or cost you millions of dollars. You put such little thought into it, you couldn’t even show up with the right footwear? What the scouts saw was an impressive specimen on the field, but they also left with questions about your character.
In February, you signed a contract with Under Armour. The company paid you good money to wear its shoes and clothing. But in May, you showed up at a workout decked out in Nike apparel. Needless to say, this didn’t go over too well with the Under Armour execs and they dropped you faster than a football off the hands of Roy Williams. What part of “under contract” didn’t you understand? See Dez, it’s another incident that shows lack of intelligence, thought, and maturity.
When training camp started, the aforementioned Mr. Williams wanted you to carry his pads off the field. It’s a rookie ritual, it’s been going on in the NFL for decades. You refused and made it clear that you weren’t at camp to be carrying anyone’s pads. That refusal turned into a full-blown media circus. Yet another chance to be humble and accept your role. Instead you made it all about you Dez. It didn’t matter whether you agreed with the ritual or not, because it was an opportunity for you to earn the respect of your teammates. An innocent rite of passage, turned into a divided locker room and brought unnecessary attention to you and your team.
Dez Bryant is already known for catching the football, will he be know for anything else? (courtesy espndallas.com)
Your effort to make it up to Williams and other teammates also drew the wrong kind of attention. In September, you paid $54,896 for dinner for you and your boys at a Dallas steakhouse. No question, you can afford the filet. One dinner is just a small chunk of your 8.3 million dollar signing bonus. Affordability wasn’t the issue here Dez. There are millions of Americans who would love to make 55K in a year and who struggle to feed their families. How about donating a chunk of change to a local charity? Or, if you’re going to have a dinner with teammates, why not do it discreetly and privately? It’s no secret that athletes spend exorbitant amounts of money on things they don’t need, but those purchases aren’t always rubbed in the face of the public. This didn’t have to make headlines Dez. Again, attention for the wrong reasons.
I know these sound like little things. I know you didn’t hurt anyone, and you weren’t convicted of any crime. But Dez, you strike me as a guy who loves the limelight, a guy who wants the headlines, no matter what they might be. I know you had a rough upbringing and unstable family life. I give you all the credit in the world for making it out of that situation and achieving your dream. Now that you’re in the NFL, I’m pleading with you Dez, surround yourself with the right people. Think before you speak and before you act. Don’t go down the same roads as Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. Their careers have turned into sideshows. They’re barely taken seriously as football players. Don’t let it happen to you, Dez.
If you want to have a long, successful career in the NFL, it’s going to happen because of talent, not because of foolish antics. As an Oklahoman, I want to see more of what I saw on Monday night. I’m rooting for you, and I believe in you. I know I’m not the only one.
Thank you for listening, Mr. Bryant.
Showcasing Red Dirt culture ~ authored and managed by contributors with connections to the great state of Oklahoma.
