In today’s society where phrases like “fear of commitment” and “starter marriage” are all too normative, I am inspired by married couples who have persevered through difficult circumstances or otherwise made the deliberate decision to be committed to their spouse and their family.
As you may know, my days are spent overseeing relationship education services and supports to couples and individuals through The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. As a part of that project, we partner with Oklahoma Publishing Company to make a commitment of our own….to recognize couples across Oklahoma who have beat the odds by sticking together for better and worse.
Last year, we searched for Oklahoma’s most inspiring couples through a statewide nomination process and produced an amazing calendar honoring these couples. Now, we are actively seeking nominations for 2011’s most inspiring couples.
Do you know a couple who exhibits extraordinary traits such as team work, commitment, or has lived a life of infectious fun? Perhaps they have impacted their family, neighborhood or community in an exceptional way or have braved sickness or other hardships as a team?
Please nominate these couples so their stories can be shared! In addition to the calendar, The Oklahoman will publish feature stories on the couples throughout the year.
To nominate, simply submit 250 words about the couple, sharing why you feel they deserve to be recognized, along with a picture. You can do this quickly and easily at www.newsok.com/inspiringcouples or by mail:
Oklahoma’s Most Inspiring Couples
The Oklahoman
P.O. Box 25125
Oklahoma City, OK 73125
You may also view pictures, stories and video of last year’s Inspiring Couples on the nomination site.
Reading through the nominations was truly the highlight of my last year and I look forward to again hearing about the wonderful couples across our great state! Nominations are due soon, November 22nd, so please submit your nominations now! We will notify selected couples the first part of December and move forward with capturing their stories and producing the calendar.
He fights… for what’s right, for the people he cares about, for the power of love, against adversity, to make a difference. He fights… for the cause, for answers, for truth, for honor, for justice. He fights fires. He fights apathy. He fights for his life.
He fights in France and he fights on the oceans and the seas. He fights with growing confidence and growing strength. He fights on the beaches and the landing grounds, in the fields, in the streets, and in the hills.
He never surrenders.
The strength of his hands may be required from time to time, but his fight is not physical. He does not fight for bragging rights or to prove someone else wrong. He does not fight for the sake of fighting itself. He does not fight in a fit of rage.
He fights for principles and values. For people, not things. He fights the good fight and though he may be fueled by passion, he’s bridled by experience and tempered with wisdom. He knows that the most powerful weapons in any fight are the ones that no one actually sees him use.
Real men are fighters.
P.S. Fighting in France has nothing to do with being a real man. I just thought this was a good opportunity to paraphrase Winston Churchill.
Old farmer. Freddy from Utah - click photo to visit photographer's Flickr site.
It’s about doing something that feels dead to you because it makes the other person feel more alive than anything else. It’s about considering the “other” around you and relegating the “self” of you. It’s about reaching outside of yourself and touching a dimension of those around you in a way that is personal, intentional and gives them an electric current through their soul.
These thoughts and more comprise the thesis of Gary Smalley’s “Five Love Languages” book, now assimilated into many cultures and families across the U.S. If you haven’t read the book, you might consider doing it soon. The read is quick, the outline is clear, and there may be those around you that would begin benefiting immediately from your greater understanding of who they are – and how they operate.
To review briefly for those who are not familiar with the work, “Love Languages” are ways to understand the process of yourself and others, and why communications or interactions are (or are not) meaningful. These processes were identified by Smalley as: acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation. They must ring true for a great percentage of the population because his “Love Languages” workshops are still filling up across the country. In fact, I ran into people who were familiar with his book while in the UK this past summer.
So, why cover a topic when it’s so familiar?
The other day I was walking across the parking lot of a supermarket. I noticed an older woman being steered into the store by a caregiver. The caregiver could have been a family member, but I’m not sure. It seemed that every interaction between these two people was one of discomfort, misunderstanding, and ended up an impasse. At one point, the older woman said, “Why isn’t it okay that I don’t want a pumpkin? I would just like to enjoy a year where I don’t have to throw away something that just sat there.” The caregiver said, “You’ve always had pumpkins – every year. Let’s just get one, okay?”
Resigned, the older woman put it in her basket, looked around the room helplessly, found my eyes watching the scene, and looked away.
As I pushed my cart down the aisle, picking up groceries here and there, I began to think about my older family members. I wondered how their styles of communication or their needs were being met (or not) by our younger family members. Later that night, I was transcribing some of my grandmother’s memoirs and came across a letter from her father she had copied verbatim. I recalled that my grandmother was also a “writing” person, that she touched many lives by her loyal letter writing over the years.
Then my brain hopped a train down the “Love Languages” track. I began to think about each one of my older family members and wondered if I could identify their “language.” Hmm.
My mother – My parents aren’t really “old,” but they are elders in our family. Mom always brings sacks with things in it, every time she sees us. Perhaps she’s a “receiving gifts” person and gives them because she likes to get them?
My father – He seems to be a “quality time” person. I know he takes friends to lunch, he meets with people for regular breakfasts or get together times to discuss books and politics – that’s how he conveys that he cares.
My Grandma Yates – I think she was a “physical touch” person. She used to always grab grandchildren, pull them toward her, kiss them with a loud smack and give another hug just for good measure.
My Grandpa Yates – I think he was an “acts of service” person. He measured people by what they did, not what they said. And he appreciated what they did. I don’t know if I have enough memories to really identify his love language, but my best guess is service-oriented.
My Grandpa Frank –I wonder if he was a “words of affirmation” person. He used to show us things, then look at us expectantly, waiting for our response. Our job was to say, “Wow – that’s really neat.” Or, “That was a good find, Grandpa.” I think he liked to hear encouragement.
My Grandmother Emma Lee – I wonder if hers is quality time? I know she appreciates it when we come to see her. But I also know she writes many letters. Perhaps the letter writing is a way of giving time, of connecting.
I think I’ve covered enough of my family members to make a point. One of the points I just made with myself is that I don’t know for sure my own family’s love languages; especially the elders in my family who I may just not have considered before.
Do you? My encouragement for you this week is to observe carefully. However it is that the elders in your life engage you may very well be how you could best meet their needs. I can tell right now that I’m going to have to do a bit more investigation. But at least now I am thinking about it.
If you know the love languages of your elders, write a comment and let us know. I’m interested in what you’ve observed of the elders in your life.
My Juniors and I just finished reading and discussing Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. You may remember reading the play when you were in high school. As a refresher, The Crucible is about the Salem witch trials, and the tragic account of how all hell breaks loose in a community when theocratic leaders abuse their powers, drugging the masses with the opiate of absolutist rhetoric, and scapegoating and killing everyone on the margins that represents a threat to the status quo. The play was written in the midst of the Red Scare era, and was meant to critique Joseph McCarthy’s “witch hunts” for communists in academia, Hollywood, even the White House.
What struck me this time while reading the play was how those who were in power – Parris, Judge Hawthorn, Judge Danforth – were able to take bad theology and convert it into a kind of mythological drug for the masses. Specifically, they were able to create stories with the capacity to reshape reality to serve their agendas – most importantly to keep themselves in power. Thus they told their story of the “Devil’s work” in the Salem community until the people in the community were telling the stories to each other. After awhile, the leaders were able to sit back and watch the myth work like a wild-fire, devouring anything amendable to reasonableness.
The play descends into hell as these God-ordained leaders substitute theology for ideology, and come to actually believe in the stories they have created. The point Miller makes as hundreds hang from the gallows is this: it’s not reality that we believe in; it’s the stories about reality that we believe in. And these stories are powerful enough to make us believe we have the right to torture, persecute, and ultimately kill (aka bomb, bomb, bomb) in God’s name.
What’s tragic then, as personified in John Proctor’s character, is that when a minority of people refuse to fall under the spells of such silver-tongued wizards, they become the perfect antagonist for the stories that the myth-makers are telling. Thus the John Proctor’s of the world get cast as the “enemy of God”. And so for those like John Proctor, who represent grounded-reality folk, who represent the prophetic voice, who represent the voice from the margins, who represent the Church as the Conscience to the State (as opposed to the Masters of the State or the Servants of the State) – they get what tends to happen to minorities, prophets, those who live on the fringes – they get shunned, branded, vilified, demonized and ultimately silenced. It happened to Isaiah. To Amos. To John the Baptist. To Jesus. To Peter. To Paul. To Martin Luther King Jr. To Oscar Romero. To Dietrich Bonhoeffer. And so many more. And it still happens today.
Sometimes I wonder if there are enclaves of evangelicals who are like the Salem denizens – drugged victims of a mythology, ignorant cogs in a industrial-military-machinery, who believe in a reality that is a gross parody of the way things really are. Just ask most evangelicals what their eschatology is, for example, and you’ll probably sense what I’m getting at. What you’ll get an ear full of is not theology but mythology, a boilerplate version of The Left Behind series, where the “us” (those who think and believe like us) get raptured up to heaven and the “them” (anyone who doesn’t think like or believe the things we do) get left to suffer the wrath of God. Ultimately this version of the biblical story tends to leverage our fear of losing power, which then fuels our desire to preserve the status quo, which then involves ultimately keeping the powerful in power to take away that fear, which ultimately then gives those in power the ability to pass policies that involves raping the earth, feeding our addiction to oil, making the rich richer, borrowing billions from China, torturing our enemies (thus making us like them), bombing and killing the innocent, and doing nothing to truly end extreme poverty in third world countries. I mean really, what’s the point of re-arranging the lawn chairs on the Titanic if it’s all going to sink anyway, right? If the story ends with the total annihilation of all things created, as opposed to the total restoration of all things, then what’s the point?Religion then, as Karl Marx famously points out, becomes the opiate of the en masse. We are drugged into living passively for the afterlife and not actively for this life. Rather than engaging the problems and seeking to put the world back to rights, we instead seek to escape the problems and demand our rights to keep the world just the way it is – titled to our advantage.
By writing this, I know that I may be putting my neck in the noose like John Proctor. But is it worth sticking my neck out? That’s what I asked my Juniors at the end of class today. Was John Proctor’s sacrifice worth it? Was his death heroic? Or pathetic?
I leave that question for you to explore. As for me I’m wanting to learn how to be brave. Ironically I find it is easier to be brave with those who aren’t Christians than it is with those who are. Why is that? I’m not sure. But it’s because I love my evangelical brothers and sisters, and it’s because I want to honor my evangelical roots, that I ask them to humble themselves before God with me and seek His face and His truth with all their being. My critique comes from within as an evangelical. It’s a lovers quarrel, really.
So I say, Absolutely! It’s worth the risk. Because I am trying to live deliberately by another story. Not the story of domination. Not the story of revolution. Not the story of purification. Not the story of victimization. Not the story of isolation. Not the story of accumulation. But the story of restoration – the story of heaven crashing into earth and making all things new. This is the story I seek first and foremost. This is the story I have been summoned up into, which is the story of Jesus launching a project to put the world back to rights, to reconcile heaven and earth, to usher in a never-ceasing age of shalom (Isa. 11).
For some while I’ve believed that the most revealing political show on television is, without a doubt, Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show” on cable television’s Comedy Central. At first blush, this is an absurd statement to make. The Daily Show is, after all, a comedy show on a comedy channel hosted by a long running comedian. But Jon Stewart’s wit and intellect, coupled with the show’s ability to strip issues to their core and reveal the underlying truth (often through parody and exaggeration) is a one-of-a-kind gem. Though occasionally criticized – probably fairly – for leaning a bit left of center, the show owns no set allegiance and is quick to shine it’s revealing light on topics sensitive to political ideologues of either side. Case in point… his “Working Stiffed”skit poking hypocritical fun at a Union in Nevada.
Beyond commentary on daily political events, The Daily Show is also a serious production with serious guests covering a long string of serious topics. Republicans and Democrats alike wait in line to be interviewed by Jon, as well as major scientists, entertainers and authors. Heck, in a two-week period Jon featured lengthy and thoughtful one-on-one interviews with both Condolezza Rice and Barrack Obama.
Why does the show draw such political opposites? One reason only: it’s fair. In between his often hilarious side jaunts and quick witted friendly jabs and instant self-deprecation, Jon asks real questions and allows his guests the courtesy and time to give serious and developed answers. In a world where cable networks have joined sides, run to the fringe and focused on sound bites or hyperbole, The Daily Show is a small breath of fresh air; it tackles serious topics, allows for details and nuance, and wraps it all up in highly entertaining edgy irreverence.
So when Jon announced on a recent show that he was going to hold a Rally To Restore Sanity on the DC lawn, an obvious play on Glenn Beck’s Rally To Restore Honor that had taken place in the same location a few weeks earlier, I was searching airline prices within minutes. When his Comedy Central colleague Stephen Colbert, in his own show immediately following Jon’s, announced a simultaneous and competing “Rally To Keep Fear Alive” … I knew I had to go. This event immediately appeared to be this generation’s Woodstock for mildly disenchanted but fun-loving and optimistic middle of the road pacifists. How can you possibly say no to that?
So with that, my airline tickets were purchased and on the late afternoon of Friday, October 29th, I was on my way to DC for a rapid fire two-day trip to enjoy the Rally on the 30th. With a late arrival on the 29th I just grabbed a cheap hotel, but the following morning I got together with my friend and former Normanite, Allison Smith, her son, and her fiancée John. We started the day out at a great local breakfast Diner and then headed toward the Mall. This turned out to be a great place to have the advice of locals, because they knew where to catch a bus and roll right to the Lawn trouble-free. I heard many reports later of a completely jam-packed Metro system, and some of my friends had trouble even getting there.
Fortunately for us, we made it to the rally just in time and found…the biggest crowd I’ve ever been part of in my life! Size counts eventually put the crowd at 250,000 making it the largest DC rally this year by a factor of approximately 3. Clearly Jon and Stephen had struck a chord with this event. So, we tried our best to make it near the stage on 3rd street, or at least to the satellite stage on 5th street. 7th street was as far as I got, and I also got completely separated from Allison and John in the process!…something we all thought might happen. Fortunately we had a meetup plan for later.
Being four full blocks from the stage, you’d think there might be room for comfort.
No.
Every once in a while I could move a half-step; most of the time I could not. It was truly a can of sardines. I could only catch an occasional glimpse of the video screen, and had to wonder about the people behind me – the crowd extended for another four full blocks. A few brave souls even took to tree climbing for a better view, which allowed me the opportunity to catch this wonderful video of some dude climbing a truly difficult tree. It was painful to watch. Catch the crowd with their impromptu “Yes You Can! Yes You Can!”. Awesome.
Click photo to start "Tree Climbing 'Yes You Can!'" video.
The rally itself was only three hours long and most of it was music and some silly skits between Jon and Stephen. The Roots gave a full half hour performance, and were followed by one of the stars of MythBusters who conducted several crowd experiments – the best of which was a “wave” of vocalized “wooooo’s”. But my favorite music performance of the day was a duel between Cat Stevens representing Jon, singing Peace Train, and Ozzy Osbourne representing Stephen, singing Crazy Train – ultimately resolved by the O’Jays with the song Love Train. Adding to the start studded cast were Cheryl Crow, Kid Rock, Tony Bennett, and even a guest appearance by Kareem Abdul Jabar.
After a solid two and a half hours of fun, Jon took the stage to make a more serious speech. Jon’s a comedian, and consequently is a pretty silly guy most of the time. But every so often he gets serious. One of the finest “serious moments” was his appearance on CNN’s Crossfire a few years ago. Recruited to come on the show, be funny, and talk about The Daily Show – he decided to do anything but. Instead he took the show to task HARD, and flipped in on it’s lid. (click here for a video link) One week later, in a classic television moment, the show was cancelled! Another time on The Daily Show he took liberal financial expert James Cramer to the carpet for his role in hyper-sensationalizing serious financial topics right up to the brink of the 2008 meltdown. So though it’s a rare occurrence, it’s not unheard of for Jon to show a serious side.
Jon’s speech lasted about 15 minutes, and had a few spectacular lines. My favorites… “If we amplify everything, we hear nothing”… and, “We live in hard times, not end times.” His point of it all seemed to be that times are tough, but people are good and resilient. The noise is just noise, no matter what cable news channels say, and the overwhelming majority of Americans are good people that work hard and together every day. (link to full video and transcript) Ultimately the crowd in attendance was plenty of proof of Jon’s point. After the speech a mood of happiness took over for the next several hours as the crowd hung out and slowly drifted away.
At this point I found Allison and John again and we just took in the atmosphere – taking lots of pictures, including tons and tons of rally signs. The photo gallery below contains my favorites, and here’s a precious video of Allison’s son learning how to dance to an impromptu trash can and bottle drummer.
Click photo to begin "Allison's Son Beginning to Dance."
So what was the point of the rally? I believe it was, more than anything, simply a demonstration that in a world that sometimes seems to have gone mad, things in reality are pretty normal. When 250,000 people of all ages, shapes, races, persuasions, and size decide to come together for a celebration of civility our national situation must not be as bad as the TV and radio seem to want us to believe. As for Jon himself, I’ve concluded that he’s a bit of Mark Twain character for our generation. A great author, funny man, and somewhat liberal observer of a mankind. I’m glad we have him around.
So it was a wonderful weekend. A nice Ethiopian meal and breakfast at the same Diner capped off the weekend and before I knew it I was flying home happy. Many thanks to Jon and his 250,000 friends, and to my two friends Allison and John for a great weekend that I’ll never forget.
Let’s finish up with a photo gallery!
Click any image for a larger view, and to enter a slide presentation format.
John and Stephen Pumpkinized
I am Woman hear me … speak clearly and succinctly while also acknowledging your opposing point of view
I many not agree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your … ow! Quit curb stomping me!
What do we want? MORE SANITY! When do we want it! MORE SANITY!
I must be dyslexic, my Rights Left.
Things are pretty OK.
Don’t tread on me … and get the ?#!% off my lawn!
Met this nice guy on the bus. He was bummed he missed the rally, but told me he liked my camera.
Washington Monument over changing trees.
The gorgeous doors to the Department of Justice.
Patriot and national hero Nathan Hale.
No guns in Theaters.
I really need a hug from a girl.
Drum Circle on Wheels!… with a sail.
National Gallery of Art
National Gallery of Art
“I made out with Her”—> (as my friend Allison patiently poses for the camera)
Join, or Don’t.
Bad Spy from Spy vs Spy demasked… meets cute American Eagle.
It doesn’t get more American than that haircut!
Allison gets interviewed.
I could really go for a Glenn Beck grilled cheese about now.
Bee Kind
I am the silent majority … can you hear me now?
My fear ate your flying spaghetti monster.
Rally with Capitol in back.
Rally stage.
Two things Americans hate: 1) Paying Taxes 2) Giving up things our taxes pay for
Spy vs Spy meets Waldo
I DETEST people who HATE
Spy vs Spy
Ninja Squirrel!
No, seriously. Ninja Squirrel!
Hardcore Moderate
Old Maids 4 Sanity
Hide yo wife. Hide yo kids. Hide yo husbands. Cuz jihadist bedbugs are terrorizin’ e’rbody.
The world is Nuanced; get used to it.
This picture brings back the happy memories.
Open Minds (no fear)
Read. Think.
“Free Bad Advice” … from kids sitting on a porta-potty. Who could say no to that?
Socialist?
Let’s use our indoor voices.
Hitler is Hitler.
media on the mall
Be Sane, not Inane.
Take it down a notch for America. I like pie.
Maybe
Maybe Not
We’re here! We’re steer! Get used to it!
Sensible Centrists
Happy crowd.
Exaggerated Hyperbole – Stop This Bickering – Vote Moderate
Support The Right To Arm Bears – Bears With Guns
9/11 was an OUTSIDE job
End The Now!
Impeach Baracula
Jesus on a traffic light
Tree People
Bacon for All! Regardless of ability to pay.
More Tree Peeps
USA!
Americans for …oh, look – a puppy!
I hate crowds.
SANITY – Seeking All Non-negative Individuals To Yunite (the Y is silent)
In today’s society where phrases like “fear of commitment” and “starter marriage” are all too normative, I am inspired by married couples who have persevered through difficult circumstances or otherwise made the deliberate decision to be committed to their spouse and their family.
