Category Archives: Relationships

Throwback Post: A Butterfly Effect Redux: Birds, Humans and Relationships

Saturday morning Mick and I were up early preparing food for the Bedlam tailgating festivities.  We decided a grocery store run was inevitable and made plans to go together, thus dividing and conquering the massive WalMart Super Store.  I was finishing up something in the kitchen when Mick walked in and looked at me.  He said, “Kelly.  Something bad happened.  Do want to see this?”  He hesitated.  “I’m not sure you want to see this.”

His face conveyed the kind of message sent when a pet dies, or one of our children has broken a bone.  So then I hesitated.  “What happened?” I asked.

“A litle bird somehow flew into our garage and got stuck in one of the glue traps.  It’s really, really stuck,” he responded.

“Well, let’s see if we can somehow free it before we think about other options.”  I was thinking out loud.  I knew it would be frightened, so I grabbed a tea towel, a pair of kitchen shears and headed to the garage.  I was just thinking that when you want to lead a horse somewhere, sometimes you cover it’s eyes.  Maybe cutting out any outside distractions would help it stay more calm.  I wasn’t thinking that the tea towel would ALSO get stuck in the trap.

Continue reading Throwback Post: A Butterfly Effect Redux: Birds, Humans and Relationships

Helping Young People Understand the Myths, Risks and Realities of Relationships

As director of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, I sometimes fancy myself a caped crusader saving families one marriage at a time. In reality, I’m no superhero with all the answers. In fact, when I look back at my approach to relationships during the first 2/3 of my life, I laugh about how me ending up as a relationship “expert” is a bit like the kid who continually got C’s in high school math class ending up a college Algebra professor. While a C isn’t bad, the grade clearly leaves room for improvement. Somehow I managed to figure it all out, however, and I am thankful for the luxury of making a living by talking about marriage and relationships all day. I manage the numerous moving parts of a highly complex statewide initiative providing services and supports to couples and individuals, in various life stages and circumstances, in an effort to positively impact outcomes for children. I am proud to know many, many heroes out in the field who dedicate their time to imparting research-based and practical information to those who are struggling to make their relationships work and who often have little hope for the future.

In my opinion, one of the most interesting aspects of the array of services we offer is our work with young people, both high school and college students, who are formulating their ideas about relationships. I love this work for two reasons: 1) I can vividly remember my own struggles with relationships and wish I’d had the tools to better evaluate my choices and emotions, and 2) I believe in the efficacy of intervening early and hopefully helping young people avoid some potentially devastating mistakes.

The benefits of educating young people are balanced by an equal number of challenges. At age 34 (I know, I know, I don’t look a day older than 33), I can remember what I went through at age 16, 18, and 20, but I certainly don’t have the same mindset as I did at those points in my life. Educators must keep in mind research which says the frontal lobe, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and problem-solving, doesn’t fully develop until well into the 20’s. Our experiences, and the fact that we can look back on what we learned from those experiences, influences our judgments about what young people should and shouldn’t do. However, young people don’t yet have that perspective to aid them in making decisions. This makes connecting with them on issues such as relationships, drinking, drug use, etc., a daunting task.   Continue reading Helping Young People Understand the Myths, Risks and Realities of Relationships

“How Often Do You Change The Rubber Band Out In That Thing?”

The first car I called “all mine” was a 1963, road sign yellow MGB roadster convertible.  It had wire wheels, a rag top, black and white racing stripes across the hood and over the trunk, and a little horn that sounded not unlike the Warner Brothers Road Runner call… Beep, Beep!  I got her in 1980, sometime around my 16th birthday;  I’m really fuzzy on the “when” details.

I opened up Adobe Illustrator for the first time in my life tonight and managed to draw this illustration shown above in only 20 minutes! Please don’t faint from the savant-esque quality.  However, if you’d like a better idea of what the car resembled, I’ve imported a photo for your viewing pleasure. Continue reading “How Often Do You Change The Rubber Band Out In That Thing?”

Shaking the Saddlebags: My Trainers Are Dating!

For six months while I worked on out Tuesdays with Brennan I would watch the gym for Molly.  I wanted to introduce them.

Likewise, for six months while I worked out on Thursdays with Molly, I would watch the gym for Brennan.  I wanted to introduce them.

By May of this year, I had almost given up…and then it happened.  Continue reading Shaking the Saddlebags: My Trainers Are Dating!

Not-So-Newlywed Adventures: The Great Unknown

When I learned my husband was up for a significant promotion at his work, my first instinct was—regrettably—not excitement. Instead, fear and doubt filled me.

Although the intellectual side of my brain was excited for Luke to advance his career in a job he loves, the emotional side knew it would require a great deal of his time and energy. I was anxious about how our marriage would stand up to that kind of strain and anxious about where a promotion might eventually lead.  We’ve been through less-than-ideal jobs, prayers answered with “No,” and discontented dwelling in forests of question marks. We have only grown together through all of those situations, but this seemed like something new I wasn’t sure I had the skills to handle.

When I feel that kind of worry coursing through my mind and emotions, no amount of talking it out—no matter how many vanilla lattes may be involved—is going to cut it. I must write, and I won’t admit here how many journals I have filled through the years. My typical journal entry is a prayer, usually spilling out all the worries and fears crowding my mind, then making some requests about how I think the situation should be resolved. If I write long enough, I may manage to end with some form of, “…but I will be content with what You make happen because You know best.” Sometimes, that’s just how life works for us Type-A planners.

God must have known I needed a while before I could get to that place of contentment because two weeks passed before we got the results of the interview. Continue reading Not-So-Newlywed Adventures: The Great Unknown

Narratives on Child Abuse and Neglect in Oklahoma

Two years ago, I had the privilege of attending the Interdisciplinary Training Program for Child Abuse and Neglect.  This two-semester program was sponsored and taught by the faculty at the University of Oklahoma Healthy Sciences Center for Child Abuse and Neglect within their Child Study Center.

Every Tuesday night, masters and doctoral students, faculty and community professionals, attorneys, people who had been abused as children, etc. would convene for a three hour class covering some detailed aspect over the topic of Child Abuse and Neglect (CAN).  Some evenings were fairly tough.  We watched videos; the footage had been taken from hidden cameras to catch adults abusing children and sometimes even infants. We listened to doctors as they showed us x-rays of spiral fractures and described why Shaken Baby Syndrome is so lethal.  We traveled to a prison to speak with child abuse offenders, went to children’s therapeutic, residential homes where abused children were going to school until they were returned to their families or aged out of the OKDHS system.  We sat through a Mock Trial for which we had prepared almost a semester, each of us playing our roles as a case to terminate the custodial rights of parents were reviewed by a real judge in a real courtroom.  And, we all completed a project.

My project was to examine Oklahoma’s contemporary narratives on CAN, to see if they have shifted over time, how people learn about CAN, and what it would take in order to continue reducing the rates in Oklahoma.  I traveled to the Ponca Tribe in Ponca City, interviewed a family from the Otoe-Missouria Tribe, a couple in southwest Oklahoma City, an individual in Yukon, a couple in Minco and an individual in northwest Oklahoma City.  The following video is a half-hour documentary, describing in some detail, what Oklahomans are saying about the CAN issue.

I invite you to watch it when you have time.  And, I invite you to share it as well.  It will be posted on our Oklahoma State University College of Human Sciences website this week, and it may run on a few local cable channels.  It is my hope that the data I gathered from this project, and the subsequent video you’ll see, are helpful in educating our public.  Please feel free to contact me through the RDC “Contact” page if you have follow up questions after watching. Final note – this video has content that might be disturbing to some. It is not for all audiences; my guess is that the content is generally a PG rating, with a possible PG-13 topic area in one scene.

Thank you, [kelly]

Not-So-Newlywed Adventures

by Julianna Buller

As we wound our way deeper into the canyons near Cañon City, Colorado, I asked my husband what had been his favorite part of vacation so far. “Because you’re going to totally forget how much you loved it once you’ve white water rafted,” I explained. I had a hunch the fireworks we had appreciated so much would become a distant memory once we had experienced a few Class V rapids.

We arrived and, donned with helmets and life jackets, received a brief training about how to anchor our feet into the inflated raft to help us follow the Most Important Rule: Stay in the boat. As flatlanders better versed in back pasture mud holes than raging rivers, we grew concerned about the actual statistical probability of ending up wearing the raft as a hat, which our guide so humorously cautioned as a possibility. Nonetheless, we waded into the Arkansas River, jumped aboard, and began our journey.

As we approached our first rapid, a Class IV, the excitement and apprehension was palpable by everyone except the guide, whose five years of leading trips had probably worn some of the emotion from the experience.  Listening to the commands (Forward one! Forward two!), we easily traversed the roiling mass of water, our giddiness intact—if not increased—by the challenge. Once past the breaking current, we breathed easily, and rounds of high-fives were had by all.

The first Class V rapid we took on was a different experience entirely. Continue reading Not-So-Newlywed Adventures

Mission Statements for the Essence of Parent-Daughter Living

Friends, our contributor group is a special collective of talented, loving, thinking folks.  In our short time together, I’ve become very endeared to them. It might be because when people write, you see their souls.  And, reading their souls each night has made me feel close to them – even though I don’t spend much time with them.  In a few weeks (or perhaps longer), one of our contributors will be revealing a project he’s been working on; it’s a contest of sorts, and is a cool thing.  He’s given me permission to preview a few of the images attached to this project.  They are simply photos, with life statements for parents regarding their daughters.  I hope you enjoy the preview glimpse, and I look forward to when he’s ready for the “big reveal.”   – Red Dirt Kelly, on behalf of [michael]

Continue reading Mission Statements for the Essence of Parent-Daughter Living

Five Rules for Dads Raising Daughters

I’ve been reading a lot of books and blogs lately on fatherhood and raising girls. From what I’ve read, there seems to be at least five common threads (probably more) running through most of the stuff that really speaks to me. Maybe they’re not really rules. Maybe they’re more like tips… tips, hints, suggestions, guidelines, or something like that. Whatever you call them, in no particular order, here are five:

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.
Continue reading Five Rules for Dads Raising Daughters

Rylee’s Last Batch of School Cookies: The Art of Embedding an Essential Memory

“We’re like bookends,” I thought. “Michael’s musings over how sweetly tender a small moment like blow-drying a baby’s hair can be; my musings over my bowl of peanut butter cookie dough at 7:30 a.m.”

The bowl of peanut butter cookie dough was the “last batch of school cookies” I would be making my youngest. I was baking them yesterday, as she got dressed for her last official day of instruction at the Academy of Hair Design. And, I was working very hard on trying to force-feed my memory embedding system with some sort of signal that would capture this moment and freeze it, or perhaps bronze it, for posterity.

I reached down to grab my heavy duty, several-ply stainless steel half baking sheet that I love so much. I hesitated, and instead opted for a small, flimsy baking sheet I knew had come with a toaster oven from a marriage gift twenty-five years ago. I wanted to make sure that the equipment I was using honored the entire nineteen and one-half years of my daughter’s existence. Continue reading Rylee’s Last Batch of School Cookies: The Art of Embedding an Essential Memory

Binary Equations? I Prefer Thirtywonderfulflavors…

Zero, or one? Yes, or no? Positive, or negative? Up, or down? Black, or white, or filled with shades of gray?

Americans, much less Oklahomans, probably prefer more choice. I know that I do.

Today both started and ended with multiple option choices. But not in the middle.

At the end: a trip out for frozen yogurt with two of my favorite young ladies, one my Frau, the other our oldest child/frauline. One of us had peanut butter and chocolate. One of us had pineapple. And my choice? A berry, fruity mixture, indeed.

The day began with choices, as well. Do I sit and read whilst the family sleeps? Do I blog? Do I go out and run whilst it is still cool? Like my late day fruity mixture, I chose a little of all three.

I prefer choice. It is less stressful. It is more interesting. It is more fun. But that’s not what mid-day presented us with, “us” being myself and the lovely little Frau. Continue reading Binary Equations? I Prefer Thirtywonderfulflavors…

B.N.F.M.K.

I’ve spent a lifetime involved with educational systems, and I don’t just mean as a student.  My dad was a school teacher and administrator for over 20 years, and I have worked in higher education administration for 13+ years.    Suffice to say, I’ve seen some of what goes into trying to make it all work; making the sausage, you might say.

Few things are as important to a society as their educational systems.  And yet, it is an area where American society does not always invest as much as might be optimal or even necessary.  Good school systems or bad, it comes down to personal commitment and relationships.

Commitments at home.
Commitments at school.

Commitments to learning.
Commitments to discipline.
Commitments to the kids.

As constituents of our educational systems, we don’t always agree with decisions, directions, and disciplinary actions by the schools and their agents.  Or, maybe we agree with many policies, actions, or individual decisions, BNFMK: “But not for my kids?”

Regardless, when the smoke clears and another school year is in the books, we should be thankful for those in the trenches with the scores of energetic and hormonal kids for a day, a week, a month, a year…or even 39 years (the Edmond years of service record, I believe). It is a higher calling.  Commitment indeed.

So, thank you, teachers.  Thank you, principals and administrators.    Thank you, parents.  And thank you, kids!

And now, school’s out for summer!  Enjoy!  The learning opportunities may be temporarily ending for some…, BNFMK(s):

Vicksburg, here they come!

Note from the Editor:  We’re pleased to introduce Jeff Bingham, RDC’s newest contributor, to you.  He’s a thoughtful numbers-cruncher and I’m sure will have lots to offer our community.  Welcome, Jeff – it’s good to have you aboard. ~ RDK

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

The Cox family is on the countdown to our first official family vacation.  In the six years we’ve had children we’ve been on numerous trips to visit family and friends, but this trip is different.  Webster’s defines vacation as “a period of suspension of work, study, or other mandatory activity, usually used for rest or recreation.”  I personally equate vacation with traveling to a destination we’ve never been to pursue new adventures and spend quality time with my immediate family.   So, guess what, we’re going to Disneyland!  I’m not sure it will meet the criteria of being restful, but there is sure to be a good deal of quality time and recreation.

The anticipation and excitement of our upcoming adventure got me thinking about my childhood family vacations.  Like many working class families, I don’t think we took a vacation every year but a few travels stand out in my memory.  It is when I think about the funny, stressful or otherwise memorable experiences we shared through the years that I truly appreciate the unmatched bond of family.

There’s the time we took an RV and horse trailer across the country to Cheyenne, WY to watch my dad compete in a rodeo.  If you had any doubt about my “Red Dirt” roots, they can be put to rest, as I grew up turning calves out of the chute as my dad practiced his roping skills.  We traveled to many rodeos throughout my childhood, but the Wyoming trip carries special memories.  We parked the RV amidst many others and spent what seemed like weeks, although I’m sure it was just a few days, living in a temporary community of rodeo families.  Someone set up a dummy calf (bale of hay with a fake head on it) for the kids to practice their roping, and my daddy was so proud of my skills that he bought me my very own rope…..a huge deal to my six year old self.

We borrowed some cowboy’s Cadillac (funny in and of itself, right?!) to drive into town to go swimming at an indoor pool where I experienced my first truly embarrassing moment when I chickened out on the high dive and forced a bunch of kids to climb back down the ladder so I wouldn’t have to take the plunge. And, I think this trip was the beginning of our family tradition of spending hours on the road coming up with new verses to the ever popular “Diarrhea” song.  Once that got old, we could always count on dad to blast his favorite Platters album and sing at the top of his lungs.  Yes, I know all the words to “The Great Pretender” and “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.”  In later years, I started singing the harmony just to change it up a bit.

In stark contrast, my parents took all six of us to Hawaii the summer before my junior year in high school.  This was long after my dad had abandoned the rodeo circuit due to the requirement that he enter senior rodeo and his subsequent refusal to recognize himself as a senior.  He decided golf was a wonderful substitute and began wearing shorts and tennis shoes, instead of boots and jeans, for the first time in his life.  The best place he could imagine to wear said clothing was Hawaii.

My parents had been to Hawaii several times and, knowing that our family wouldn’t all be together for too much longer given my age (I’m the oldest), they bit the bullet and used my college money (not bitter) to take us on a magnificent trip.  The great thing about this trip is that we have so many collective memories and continue to bond over them even now.  When Jason and I were dating, we’d always joke that every trip to my parent’s house would inevitably include at least one sentence that began with, “Remember in Hawaii when…?”

We still make this joke and have refined it to assert that the only certainties in life are death, taxes and repeated conversations about Hawaii.  We’ll talk about going parasailing, snorkeling and the undersea Nautilus tour.  We’ll laugh about eating at the super fancy restaurant where my brother Cooper looked at the menu full of things we couldn’t pronounce and subsequently ordered a cheeseburger (blank stare from the not-so-amused waiter).  This moment was followed by my brother Conner spitting out whatever fancy thing he ordered and my mom trying to discreetly clean the chewed lump off the floor before anyone noticed.  News alert: they noticed.  My dad will reminisce about driving to the top of the volcano on a one-lane road with no guard rails to prevent us from plummeting to our death, and that I was so convinced we were going to die that I curled up in the floorboard of the back seat and alternated between crying and praying.  We’ll sing a chorus of “Tiny Bubbles” at the top of our lungs like some gregarious drunk guy did at the luau we attended.  We’ll talk about the horrible one-way roads in Honolulu and how we were lost for hours in the middle of the night upon our initial arrival to the city.  And we’ll all agree that the Pizza Hut delivery we ate on the floor of our hotel room after we finally made it was hands down the best we’d ever had.

Memories are made each and every day, but I’m ready to make some that are just ours to talk about for years to come.  With a first-time airplane ride and a trip to Disneyland in our near future, I’m pretty confident I can accomplish this goal.  And, even if we don’t have anything spectacular happen to us while we’re there, I’m eager to eat some pizza that, regardless of its quality and taste, will be the new “best I’ve ever had.”

[kendy]

Editor’s note: Visit HERE for Kendy’s post over how their family vacation held a surprise they certainly didn’t expect.

N.U.T. #4 – I’m involved in the life of my children

Editor’s Note:  If you are just now catching Michael’s Man Cave series on N.U.T.s, please note the guide to all previous posts at the bottom of this essay ~ Thanks.

***

What does it mean for a man to be involved in the life of his children? A book I’m reading right now called, “The Heart of a Father,” by Ken Canfield offers a pretty good description:

My friend Paul is an involved father. He works forty hours each week, and in fact chose a job that allows him to be home each night and each weekend. At home, he likes spending time with his daughter Susan. They play Chutes and Ladders on the living room floor, and he reads her a story before bed. Cindy is a bit older. With her, involvement means driving her to gymnastics and cheering at her meets. It means sitting down next to her at the kitchen table when she lays out her math homework.

Sometimes Paul has his own work to do, his own errands to run. “I’m going to the hardware store,” he announces. “Anyone want to come along?” Occasionally Cindy or Susan will join him. The youngest child is Jacob. Among all the things that involvement means for this toddler, it also means changing diapers. Paul participates in the daily activities of his kids.

Call me boring, but I read those two paragraphs and I can’t wait to be able to play Chutes and Ladders on the living room floor with my little Izzy in a few years. Continue reading N.U.T. #4 – I’m involved in the life of my children

Live Oak Equals Our Living Marriage

May 5, 2011 note:  Today I went to the tag agency and while I was waiting on my requests to be processed I heard a man next to me provide his home address to the clerk.  I was surprised to hear he lived on “Clover Glen,” the street where Mick and lived in our first home.  This has been a week of weird coincidences, so I decided perhaps there was more at stake than just coincidence.  Therefore, I’m reposting this entry I wrote almost a year ago in preparation for another I’ve been writing for three days.  I’ve been writing, and thinking about, and researching, and writing more about the process of falling in, out, and perhaps…back in love again.
The gentleman at the tag agency ended up being a resident of the house you see in this photo on the left – he would have been our neighbor to the south.  He said he still gets mail for our former neighbors, and they’ve been gone over 20 years.  See you here tomorrow – Red Dirt Kelly
***

The setting was a cold February, 1986.

My husband and I had been married about six months when the bottom of the oil bust hit Oklahoma.  Thousands of homes in Edmond were being vacated after the interest rates within a group of “negative amortization” loans began to skyrocket as the oil jobs started drying up.

For newlyweds living in a tiny apartment like us with adequate income, the housing market was a real opportunity.  We purchased our first home from builders who had been paying interest on it for over a year.  They were desperate and we felt lucky.  We closed on the deal very quickly. Continue reading Live Oak Equals Our Living Marriage

Best Friends and Bullies Make Strange Bedfellows

“Bullying” has always been a buzzword to me, not entirely unlike “life skills” or “at risk.”  The similarity lies in the fact that I know the definitions of these words and I even use them occasionally, but they seem more like fodder for grant proposals or annual reports than concepts which exist in real life….or at least in MY life.

However, this year I’ve learned more than I want to know about real life bullying.  I can say in earnest that my quick education on the subject has been different and more painful than I expected because it involves my child.  I never thought I’d use the words “my 6 year old” and “bully” in the same sentence, but the reality is that these very sentences have consumed much of our recent dinner conversation as we’ve attempted to help our daughter solve some very real problems.

My child has a bully.  An interesting and complicating factor is that her bully is also her best friend.

As background, like many kids her age, Bailey tends to form friendships of convenience. She has played with her current BFF more than others in her classroom because they have a similar after-school situation.  This is not to say that the girls don’t have a good deal in common or share mutual affection, but being readily accessible is just as important to little developing minds.

At first, I was pleased to see Bailey buddied up with another strong personality.  The moment I discovered my child’s stubborn nature during the toddler years I developed a fear that she would choose friends based on ease of ability to control or manipulate.  I certainly don’t want my child to be the dictator in the room and have been relieved that this hasn’t been the case with most of her friendships thus far.  She and this little girl seemed to be a good match and played together well initially despite some run-of-the-mill little girl arguments.

Then, we started hearing stories about the friend’s antics at school. Continue reading Best Friends and Bullies Make Strange Bedfellows

A Father-Son Moment on an Ethiopian Balcony

Editor’s note: Five and one-half months ago, Josh submitted this post as a dedication to a turning point in his life of Fatherhood.  Last week we submitted a post on “Five Questions to Ask Yourself” about adopting and/or fostering a child.  We’re re-submitting this piece as a human experience complement to those questions.  ~ RDK

by Josh Bottomly

Staring down at my adopted son’s new visa and passport for the first time, I did a double take when I noticed something very odd.  The bold print read:  Tesfamariam Josh.  I asked Tafesse, our Ethiopian driver, if there had been some kind of misprint or mistake.  Tefesse grinned and then explained:  “In Ethiopia, a child’s last name is his father’s first name,” Tefasse explained.  It’s our tradition.”  I looked over at Amy in confusion.  “So my name would be Josh Roc,” I asked Tafesse, “and Amy’s would be Amy Glen?” Tafesse nodded and said, “In our culture, naming one’s child is a sacred act.  It’s a blood ritual.  It denotes a very special bond.”

Later that night, I woke up around 4:30 a.m. to Silas’ whimper.  Since it was my turn to take the night shift, I gathered Silas up in my arms and took him out onto the hotel patio, the only “cry proof” place in the hotel.

As I scanned my eyes across the city streets hushed under a blanket of fog and mist, I rocked Silas in my arms and sang quietly over him.  Suddenly, an image surfaced and bobbed on the wake of my mind.  It was of a photograph of my father and I, now yellow and faded with time.  In the photo, I was scrunched up close to my dad like a koala bear.  I must have been no older than Silas.  Dad and I were at the beach, both wearing lemon-colored swim shorts.  The sun reflected against our pale white thighs, and because of the sunhat on my tiny head, it was hard to see my freckled face or any of the tufts of my reddish-blond hair.  Dad’s face unforgettably was contorting and howling like a wolf as ten pounds of squirmy flesh scratched up against his chest hairs, sending tickle bumps through his body. Continue reading A Father-Son Moment on an Ethiopian Balcony

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Fostering or Adopting Parent

The process of thinking about, seriously considering, then finally embracing the decision to adopt or foster a child is big.  Really big.  You might be getting opinions or advice from many different directions.

In Oklahoma, you could have a number of opportunities to consider this question for yourself; we have a great many children waiting to be adopted through our state agency system, as well as a serious need for more safe and stable foster care homes.   A recent series of events and activities have led to a greater awareness of this need in our state, and with the message being spread, more people than ever before might be considering the “big decision.”

When it comes right down to it, however, regardless of the information you get at a conference, a church service, or from your family or friends…YOU are the one meeting a need.  So, having a conversation with yourself, or intentionally walking through a process of checks and balances with those you care about the most could be helpful.  That’s why I’ve provided this list of five questions to ask yourself.  I hope it serves as a guide for at least the beginning process to your big decision:

1)    Is my marriage or committed relationship healthy? Or, am I healthy and ready? Many times, the desire to bring children into your life to nurture and support comes from healthy attitudes about providing for those who have needs not being met.  Being willing to support and raise another human being is extremely admirable.  However, one of the key conversations you’ll need to have with yourself first and foremost is – am I bringing this child into a healthy environment?  Is your marriage or committed relationship strong? If you plan on sing-parenting, are YOU emotionally healthy and strong? Can you serve as a model for your potential child or children? Can your marriage survive tests of stressful events, transitions and challenges?

If you answered no to those any of those questions, then perhaps you need to shore up your home-front first. Continue reading 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Fostering or Adopting Parent

Silent Sunday Afternoon Edition: 3/6/11 ~ Jessica Wolloscheck, Senior Portfolio

Jessica’s words about this series: This album was put together my senior year of college while studying photography.  The inspiration was derived from a box of old family photographs I found. The end result was a series of self-portraits in which I wanted to bring to life the Valium, drug, and alcohol abuse of women during the 60’s and 70’s.

Editor’s note: Next month is Alcohol Awareness Month.  We’re publishing this series now in order to provide a short moment of time to think about whether or not you, your loved ones or someone you know could take advantage of the multiple free screenings or help and resources that will be available beginning April 1st.  Thanks, Red Dirt Kelly

Continue reading Silent Sunday Afternoon Edition: 3/6/11 ~ Jessica Wolloscheck, Senior Portfolio

Shaking the Saddlebags #3: I Don’t Know Myself Anymore

This is Brennan. He's my Tuesday trainer. Brennan - Tuesdays, Molly - Thursdays. Someday - just me...all on my own.

See Fantastic Fear Trifecta for previous ‘Saddlebags’ entry.

***

Last week, the wind was whipping around our campus buildings at full force, temperatures were somewhere in the lower-frigid quadrant and I was walking in my medium-high heels to The Little Bakery.  From my office to this cozy little establishment is the equivalent of about two city blocks in distance.  I hadn’t taken four steps outside when I thought, “Forget this, I’m running.”  I ran on my toes all the way to the cafe, kicking in my “running-type breathing” about halfway there.

I walked in, checked out the healthy meals in the cooler, didn’t like what I saw and walked over to the second display to view the salads.  Then I got lost in thought: I had just chosen to run.  In heels, no less. Whaaattt?? I’m sorry, who am I?  And, when have I ever CHOSEN to run in – oh, say – the last year?

Then I remembered I CHOSE to walk up the stairs that day.  The choice wasn’t even conscious.  I just remember thinking, “I want to stretch my legs.”  That’s it.  Then I thought back to my workout on Tuesday.  It was brutal…I had gotten there a little late due to an advising session with one of my students and I didn’t really warm up.  We spent most of the time lifting weights, and at the end of the session, Brennan said, “Okay. That’s it – you’re done.”

So what did I say back to him? Continue reading Shaking the Saddlebags #3: I Don’t Know Myself Anymore