All posts by Guests and Former Contributors

Man Cave

How Five Simple Rules Morphed Into a New Blog

FULL DISCLOSURE: What follows is, in many ways, a bit of shameless self-promotion for a new project I’m working on. You’ve been warned.

A few weeks ago, I posted a list of five rules for dads raising daughters. When I wrote that post, I was simply trying to clarify some of my own thoughts on parenting, fatherhood, and raising little girls – thoughts that had been largely influenced by a number of books (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson, The Heart of a Father: How You Can Become a Dad of Destiny by Ken Canfield, and many others) I’d read in the months leading up to and following the birth of my daughter last September.

I had a lot of fun coming up with those five rules (I guess they were more like suggestions than hard fast rules) and when I eventually hit the post button on the blog, I felt like I had a pretty good foundation for my own philosophy of fatherhood.

As someone who uses the written word to cull out meaning from his experiences, seeing my ideas finally crystallized in written form felt really good.

At least at first, I felt what I think was a sense of closure. “Okay,” I thought, “I’ve finally got all of this stuff out of my head and now I can get back to putting my creative energy into blogging about the masculine experience.”  That was all good and well, except for one thing… that’s not really how my mind works.

No sooner had the post been published than I started thinking of other ideas I should have included in my original list of suggestions. In an effort to simply try to clear my mind, the next morning I opened a blank text file on my laptop and started to type. That’s when the ideas started flowing. My fingers couldn’t move fast enough to keep up. Continue reading How Five Simple Rules Morphed Into a New Blog →

Homestead and Garden

Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Happy Birthday to M.E.

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Today is my birthday.  My husband tells me that I start celebrating it on the first of the month even though it’s actually on the last day of July.  This year I tried to narrow the celebration down to a three-day weekend.  No matter how long the party is, it is always going to involve friends, gifts, and flowers.

Friday was my last work-free day, so I invited a few teacher friends over to swim. Right after they arrived it started to rain.  No worries.  I had indoor activities planned: making homemade salsa from the vegetables in my garden and hulling purple hull peas.  At one point in the day, a friend told me she was going to start referring to me as “Mother Earth” or M.E. I’m not sure if this was before or after I cooked the purple hull peas we just hulled (flavored with a jalapeno pepper from my garden) for a little snack.

Garden Jewel
A gift for my garden: Beauty AND function.

My birthday celebration continued with a couple of gifts. Continue reading Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Happy Birthday to M.E. →

Man Cave

Picturing America Without The NFL Is Terrifying

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NFLPA Executive Director DeMaurice Smith, left, and NFL football Commissioner Roger Goodell announce the end of the NFL lockout (courtesy cbsnews.com, AP Photo by Carolyn Kaster)

by Rob Loeber

Did you hear that?  That was the sound of a nation letting out a collective sigh of relief.

The NFL will have a season, and all is once again right with the universe.  The lockout is officially over and now you can move forward with important decisions like when to schedule your fantasy draft.

I guess I always believed deep down the owners and players would eventually come to some kind of resolution, but I was starting to have more doubts and I actually began to envision a world with no professional football.  It wasn’t a pretty picture.

Sure, you’d still have college football but that would only account for half of a weekend.  It wouldn’t have been enough.  What would you have done with all that free time on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights?  The hours normally reserved for eating wings, drinking beer, and finding that optimal couch position would have been spent shopping with wives and girlfriends, getting yard work done, or finally fixing that leaking faucet.  It would have been a world with empty sports bars, crowded golf courses, and a lot of men walking around Target in a semi-conscious haze mumbling about missing the second half of a game that wouldn’t even exist.

Instead of rushing home from church to put on your team’s jersey, you’d be talked into brunch or a trip to the in-laws for the afternoon. Continue reading Picturing America Without The NFL Is Terrifying →

Man Cave

From a man in transition to a transitioned man

While on vacation last week, the realization finally hit me that over the course of the last year or so I have taken up residence in an entirely new stage of adulthood.

I’m not sure exactly when this realization first dawned on me. Perhaps it was when we were packing the night before we left. As I looked around my living room at all the stuff we were taking with us this year that we didn’t even own this time last year it made my head spin a bit.

  • Diaper bag.
  • Pack ‘N’ Play.
  • Package of diapers.
  • Several jars of baby food.
  • Tons of toys.
  • Three tiny swimsuits.
  • Car seat.
  • Stroller (which ended up being too big to fit in our rented minivan with all of our other stuff).
  • An entire suitcase filled with miniature clothing that did not belong to either my wife or myself.

Perhaps it hit me the next morning while sweating like a nun in a brothel as I tried to get all of that stuff, plus mine and my wife’s belongings, into the back of the minivan. Continue reading From a man in transition to a transitioned man →

Not-So-Newlywed Adventures, Relationships

Not-So-Newlywed Adventures

by Julianna Buller

As we wound our way deeper into the canyons near Cañon City, Colorado, I asked my husband what had been his favorite part of vacation so far. “Because you’re going to totally forget how much you loved it once you’ve white water rafted,” I explained. I had a hunch the fireworks we had appreciated so much would become a distant memory once we had experienced a few Class V rapids.

We arrived and, donned with helmets and life jackets, received a brief training about how to anchor our feet into the inflated raft to help us follow the Most Important Rule: Stay in the boat. As flatlanders better versed in back pasture mud holes than raging rivers, we grew concerned about the actual statistical probability of ending up wearing the raft as a hat, which our guide so humorously cautioned as a possibility. Nonetheless, we waded into the Arkansas River, jumped aboard, and began our journey.

As we approached our first rapid, a Class IV, the excitement and apprehension was palpable by everyone except the guide, whose five years of leading trips had probably worn some of the emotion from the experience.  Listening to the commands (Forward one! Forward two!), we easily traversed the roiling mass of water, our giddiness intact—if not increased—by the challenge. Once past the breaking current, we breathed easily, and rounds of high-fives were had by all.

The first Class V rapid we took on was a different experience entirely. Continue reading Not-So-Newlywed Adventures →

Art, Photography, Relationships

Mission Statements for the Essence of Parent-Daughter Living

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Friends, our contributor group is a special collective of talented, loving, thinking folks.  In our short time together, I’ve become very endeared to them. It might be because when people write, you see their souls.  And, reading their souls each night has made me feel close to them – even though I don’t spend much time with them.  In a few weeks (or perhaps longer), one of our contributors will be revealing a project he’s been working on; it’s a contest of sorts, and is a cool thing.  He’s given me permission to preview a few of the images attached to this project.  They are simply photos, with life statements for parents regarding their daughters.  I hope you enjoy the preview glimpse, and I look forward to when he’s ready for the “big reveal.”   – Red Dirt Kelly, on behalf of [michael]

Continue reading Mission Statements for the Essence of Parent-Daughter Living →

Man Cave

Brighter Lights In A Small Town

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The cast of characters in the hit TV drama, "Friday Night Lights." (courtesy popdose.com)

by Rob Loeber

Recently, I’ve developed an addiction to Friday Night Lights.

The TV drama is set in a small town in West Texas and centers on the life of the high school football coach, his family, and his players.  FNL has its share of soap opera moments and sometimes the storylines stretch the limits of believability, but the captivating thing about the show is how it truly captures life in a small town.  The entire community shuts down on Friday nights to watch its team take the field.  The players are celebrities and the coach is scrutinized for every single decision and play call he makes.  More than anything else, passion for the game of football and pride for the town, come pouring through the screen.

If you get away from the metropolitan areas and keep driving past the suburbs, you can still find the same kind of passion for high school football here in Oklahoma.  There are still sleepy little towns that come alive when the lights come on.

Beggs is one of those towns.  The community of 1,300 people features old houses, weathered trailers, and beat-up trucks driving down poorly paved roads that eventually lead you to the high school football stadium.

“We got a Dairy Queen, we got a stoplight, we got a convenience store, and we got football,” Beggs head coach Bob Craig told me as we stood in the middle of the football field.  “You should see this place on game days.”

Continue reading Brighter Lights In A Small Town →

Cents and Sensibility

Going to Plan Z: When the Last Thing You Expect to Happen Happens

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Mom and dad during their dating years.

My dad, George, has always been the hardest working person I know. I remember getting up every morning for school when I was a kid. My mom, Sue, would do everything she could to wake me up nicely: play music, talk softly, and turn on the bathroom heater for me so I wouldn’t be cold. She’d always end up practically dragging me out of bed because I just didn’t want to get up. I’ve never been a morning person. My dad was never there on those mornings.

He was already at work, leaving before the sun came up while I was still nestled snugly in my bed. I don’t ever remember him missing work for any reason. Ever. Snow, sleet, sunshine, sickness- nothing would keep him from working hard for his family.

My parents looked forward to their retirement years. They had always wanted to travel. When they got closer to retirement, their plan was to work a few more years, retire and see the world together. This was the “Plan A” they envisioned. They were only a few years away from this anticipated retirement plan and were really on the downhill slope when suddenly, in one single moment, everything changed. Our entire immediate family’s lives were irreparably altered.

I will never forget February 7, 2005. It was the morning after the Super Bowl. I was a little tired on the drive to work because my brother, Keith had hosted a family watch party the night before. Just as I arrived at work, my cell phone rang and it was Keith, who never called me in the mornings. He said they were taking dad to the hospital. He had passed out at work, had not regained consciousness, and they didn’t know what was wrong. Continue reading Going to Plan Z: When the Last Thing You Expect to Happen Happens →

Man Cave

You Can’t Put A Price On Dreams

by Rob Loeber

What would you do for a dream?  How far would you go to achieve a lifelong goal?

Those are the questions thousands of athletes ask themselves every single day.  From Alaska to Maine and all points in between, minor league and semi-pro players are making enormous sacrifices to stay on the field, rink, or court.

It must be love for $400 a week. (courtesy urbantulsa.com)

This recession has hit America hard over the last few years, but economic struggles are nothing new for the players who toil in obscurity and put their bodies on the line for very little reward.

The Tulsa Talons play in the Arena Football League and the average Talons’ player takes home $400 per week.  That adds up to $7200 for a complete 18-game season.  These are men with college degrees.  Most of them have families but most of them don’t have second jobs because of the time required for practice, travel, and games.

What would you do for a dream?  Would you walk away from the cushy desk job and the 401k package to throw yourself full-speed at another human being for 400 bucks?

I asked one Talons player why he does it.  “I love football,” he told me.  “I can’t imagine giving this up.”

The Talons players have almost no chance of ever making an NFL roster, but out there on the practice field they were smiling and laughing throughout every drill and after every play.  They looked joyful.  They looked like kids.  How many of us can say our jobs make us feel like kids again?

Continue reading You Can’t Put A Price On Dreams →

Favorite Things

FM Transmitters, Static Interference, and Life’s Purpose

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A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to travel to the desert of southern California where I joined 72 other dudes at Joshua Tree National Park for a men’s retreat put on by the Hilltop Church in El Segundo, CA. It was a great weekend and I might have more to say about it later, but not in this post.

This post is about something that occurred during my 2-hour drive back from Joshua Tree to LAX airport the Sunday afternoon after the retreat.

If you know me in real life (outside of this blog) you probably know that I’m somewhat of an audiophile. I love music… all kinds of music. I don’t go anywhere without my trusty iPod or Grooveshark and Pandora accounts. I almost always have headphones with me and when I’m going to be spending more than 5 minutes driving somewhere, I always rely on my Satechi Bluetooth FM transmitter to keep my tunes playing. This is not a product plug for Satechi, though if they wanted to send me a few more of their awesome products, I’d be fine with that. However, I LOVE THIS FM TRANSMITTER.

It’s the best FM transmitter I’ve ever owned. It requires no wires. It simply plugs into the A/C adapter in the car and automatically pairs with my phone via Bluetooh anytime I start my car. For those of you that don’t know what it means for a phone to pair via Bluetooth, all it means is that as long as the two devices are paired together wirelessly, any audio that would normally come out of my phone (iPod, Grooveshare, Pandora, YouTube, etc) automatically plays on my car stereo on whatever channel I have the Satechi tuned to. It’s amazing technology and it’s quite possibly the best sound quality I’ve ever gotten from an FM transmitter… wired or otherwise.

If you’re in the market for a compatible vehicle, exploring used cars in phoenix could lead to models with factory-installed Bluetooth systems, making the setup even more seamless. Taking time to find the right fit can really enhance your driving and listening experience.

As good as this device is, like any FM transmitter, my Satechi is only as good as the availability of a free FM station to play it over. In OKC, I use 88.3 FM. There’s nothing on the dial at that point and so the sound is AMAZING. There is no interference and I can listen to my music at the highest fidelity possible short of using an audio in cable or going analog. Continue reading FM Transmitters, Static Interference, and Life’s Purpose →

Man Cave

Where’s The Journalism???

Local sports coverage is slipping in Oklahoma.  As a former member of the Tulsa media, it saddens me to make that statement.  Covering local sports was my passion and my livelihood.  Back then I sensed it, and even more so now, I see the profession slowly dying.

There is no longer an investment being made in real, substantial journalism.  When I tune into local news these days, I cringe because each station’s sportscast is predictable and dull.  Each channel airs a slightly altered version of the same show.

It’s fine to show highlights from the Drillers, Shock, Talons, Barons, OU, OSU, and of course the Thunder.  However, I have a feeling no one is flipping on their TV to see a couple of lousy highlights.  Nobody is sitting at home anxiously awaiting 20 seconds of Redhawks footage.

So why do stations fall into this cookie cutter pattern?  Is it because the anchors and producers are afraid to miss something or is it because they’ve been in the same routine for so long that they’re just too comfy and complacent to think outside the box?  Frankly, I know it’s the latter because I was guilty of it when I sat at the anchor desk.

Continue reading Where’s The Journalism??? →

Man Cave, Relationships

Five Rules for Dads Raising Daughters

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I’ve been reading a lot of books and blogs lately on fatherhood and raising girls. From what I’ve read, there seems to be at least five common threads (probably more) running through most of the stuff that really speaks to me. Maybe they’re not really rules. Maybe they’re more like tips… tips, hints, suggestions, guidelines, or something like that. Whatever you call them, in no particular order, here are five:

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.
Continue reading Five Rules for Dads Raising Daughters →

Oklahoma culture

Sweet and “Cool” Summer A, B, C’s…Inexpensive, Fun and “In Real Life”

Summertime ~ Chasing Fireflies. Photo by Andrew Sullivan via Flickr. All rights reserved by photographer.
by Joey Rodman
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re smack dab in the middle of an Oklahoma summer, complete with blistering heat and a dry spell that’s threatening life as we know it. Hey, at least it’s not humid right? Summer in Oklahoma can be a tough pill to swallow. For those of you who are barely holding on until fall, here are a few activities that can maybe help you enjoy the summer while it’s here. Get your friends and family together and try these out!
A. Home-made Ice cream.
What you need:
Ice
Rock salt
Quart sized sandwich bags
Gallon sized freezer bags
Milk
Vanilla
Sugar
Patience
  1. Fill a gallon sized bag for each person about halfway with ice and rock salt, seal them up and put them somewhere cold.(like the freezer if you’re indoors or the ice chest if you’re outside)
  2. For each person put 1/2 cup of milk, 1 1/2 teaspoons of sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla in a quart size bag and seal it.
  3. Put the little bag into the big bag, make sure both are sealed well.
  4. Shake it up! It takes about 10 minutes for your “ice cream” to get to a consistency similar to soft serve. You can eat it right out of the bag. Make sure you shake it and mix it well or you’ll get pockets of sugar that are gritty. Continue reading Sweet and “Cool” Summer A, B, C’s…Inexpensive, Fun and “In Real Life” →
Man Cave

So What If America Isn’t The Best At Everything?

Its Fourth of July weekend and we as Americans have so much to be thankful for in this great country of ours.  Despite our struggles and our differences, we still have our freedom and a way of life that is the envy of the rest of the world.  I for one firmly believe in the concept of American exceptionalism.

But just because we are exceptional as a country, does that mean all of our sports have to be exceptional as well?

Two weeks ago the media was gushing over Rory McIlroy’s performance at the US Open.  The so-called “experts” were heaping praise on McIlroy while simultaneously lamenting the demise of American golf.  “Where is the next great American golfer?” they wondered.  “Is America losing ground to the rest of the world?” was a question of much debate among golf writers and analysts.  Of course those conversations led to “is there an American kid out there who’s going to take over for Tiger?”It was one big pity party.  It couldn’t possibly be that the rest of the world is catching up, could it?  No, no something must be wrong with golf in this country.

If you’ve watched any tennis at Wimbledon over the last couple weeks, the conversation has been exactly the same.  Hosts, reporters, and commentators all emphasizing the downfall of American tennis and wondering if it will ever get back to the level it once was when names like McEnroe, Connors, Evert, Sampras, Agassi, and Williams carried the dialogue.

I’m as patriotic as the next guy, but this doesn’t bother me at all.

Continue reading So What If America Isn’t The Best At Everything? →

Man Cave

Chasing My Shadow Purpose

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I’ve written recently on Finding Manhood about how temporary and seemingly trivial things have a strange way with interfering with our purpose in life. I don’t know why I’m so interested in the idea of purpose right now, but it’s something that’s been occupying a lot of my thoughts lately.

What is my purpose?

What am I supposed to do with my life? Continue reading Chasing My Shadow Purpose →

Homestead and Garden

Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Mother Nature Delivers What I NEEDle

We are accustomed to doing without some conveniences out here in the country.   Oh, we have running water, but in the past when I’ve needed capers or a specific garden tool, we were miles away from getting what we needed when we needed it.  When we finally finished the bank project (A RE-purposeful Life), I wanted to make sure my new plants got the water they needed, and my husband suggested pine mulch to keep the ground moist.  Of course, there is not a nursery that sells pine mulch for miles, but I knew exactly where I could get it locally.

trees
Lots of trees waiting to make their yearly delivery of leaves and needles in the fall.

Our road is lined with a variety of trees.  Leaves, pine cones, and pine needles cover both sides of our street every spring, and I hesitantly rake them up while fearing what animal I might disrupt from its rest. This time I gathered a rake and the wheel barrow and headed up the road to gather a couple of loads of pine needles without fear.  I was on a mission.  Unfortunately, I underestimated the number of loads I would need for my project, Continue reading Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Mother Nature Delivers What I NEEDle →

Cents and Sensibility

When Divorce Turns Prince Charming into Attila the Hun

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When I was a 23 year old college student planning my first wedding, I knew exactly what my bridesmaids would wear, the color of the flowers, where we would spend our honeymoon, where we would live after the wedding, and what our dishes would look like. What I did not plan is that we would be divorced eight years later.

Several years were spent building a “we” life, enjoying time with our couple friends, merging bank accounts, buying a home, and eventually beginning a family. When it became apparent that we were not right for each other, there was nothing left to do but to deconstruct that life and go back to a “me” life. It’s a delicate surgical process that doesn’t come with anesthesia.

This deconstruction process was by far, the lowest point in my life. The “we” that we had carefully built was ripped into “yours” and “mine.” Friends who I thought would always be in my life, chose sides and many walked away from our friendship. Thankfully, I had maintained good relationships with my closest girlfriends and they became my rocks (Thanks Marcy, Carla, Alison, and Amy). Divorce is definitely a time when you find out who your true friends are. Bank accounts were separated. The home we had so carefully decorated and landscaped was sold. A joint custody arrangement was reached for our 2 year old. My ex took the stuff that he had entered the relationship with, I took mine, and we evenly divided the rest. I have never felt more lonely, sad, scared, confused, or hurt than I did as we dismantled the dreams we had started together. Continue reading When Divorce Turns Prince Charming into Attila the Hun →

Man Cave

Humbled Yet Again By The Game I Love

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I have played a lot of tennis in my life.  I played in high school and college, even earned my certification as a teaching professional.

I have also watched a lot of tennis in my life.  Have you ever seen tennis on TV and thought to yourself, “I could rally with that guy.”?  Well, you’d be wrong.  You can’t.  I know this because I just played in the US Open National Playoff and it was simply one of the most humbling experiences of my adult life.

The tournament in Norman, Oklahoma was one of 16 sectional tournaments held across the country.  The 16 winners then play in a national tournament with the champion earning a berth into the qualifying draw of the US Open.  Yes, the actual US Open.  You know, New York City, tennis under the lights, Alec Baldwin sitting courtside?  That US Open.

Because it’s a truly open event, many spots in the draw are occupied by chuckleheads like me who tell themselves they can hold their own (even though they can’t) and may just be delusional enough to believe they can win a few matches (even though they won’t).

The other spots are filled by top ranked juniors, big time college players, and guys who have actually been in professional matches.  All of them possess something I do not: real, God-given ability.

When I looked at the draw a week before the tournament, I saw my name paired up against Jackson Withrow.  Jackson is a 19-year old from Omaha, Nebraska and he just happens to be a freak.  He was a top ten player in the Missouri Valley (a five state section), and a nationally ranked junior who was then recruited heavily by some of the biggest tennis powerhouses in the country before settling for a scholarship to Texas A&M.  This was going to be ugly.

Continue reading Humbled Yet Again By The Game I Love →

Foodie Page

You May Be “The Grillmaster,” But Have You Grilled…PIZZA?

Summer is here and if you are like me you don’t want to heat up your kitchen from cooking.  (The idea SOUNDS good, anyway!)

Have you ever considered cooking a pizza on the BBQ grill?  I had no idea that pizza could be cooked on the grill until I picked up a Pampered Chef catalogue and saw a recipe for Grilled Pizza with Tomatoes and Olives.  I read through the recipe and decided it was within my skill level of cooking and I liked all the ingredients (my main requirement for picking a recipe) required so I decided to give it a try.  My family and I really enjoyed the recipe.  I hope you will give it a try I don’t think you will be disappointed.

Grilled Pizza with Tomatoes and Olives
2 oz. mozzarella cheese  (about 1/2 cup grated)

1/4 cup grated fresh Parmesan cheese

1 1/2 cups grape tomatoes

1/2 cup pitted kalamata olives, drained

1 tbsp olive oil

1 tbsp red wine vinegar

2 garlic cloves, pressed Continue reading You May Be “The Grillmaster,” But Have You Grilled…PIZZA? →

Man Cave

The Gift of Time

The preacher at my church read a few lines from Harry Chapin’s classic, “Cat’s in the Cradle” in his Father’s Day sermon last weekend. Below are the lyrics he read:

My child arrived just the other day,

He came to the world in the usual way.

But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay,

He learned to walk while I was away. Continue reading The Gift of Time →